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Have not found my match
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Chasing Pavements
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Emergency Contact
Bubbly
Crossing my fingers
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faye_fish 评论于2008-09-01 15:42:14
Hey, you seem to be a very interesti...
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标题:Emergency Contact 字体 [ ]   颜色[绿 ]
分类:心情杂想 创建于:2008-03-30 被查看:909次 评论(0)   文件夹:默认文件夹
I was filling out some forms for the new job, and this routine question of emergency contact came up. Between my blood relative who's hundreds of miles away and my best friend within three miles of reach, I chose the latter. But even as the greatest friend that one can ever be, she is still just filling in as a temp. And that's right, among everything that I'm seeking for in life, finding a guy to permanently fill in the role as my emergency contact, is now on the top of the list.

So, would you like to be my emergency contact? In some weird way, I almost think this is the most romantic thing I can ever say to a guy. Weird, I know. And I can sound queer sometimes. But honestly, in my mind, more than once, I have imagined a candle lit dinner, during which I'd pop this question while smiling at this guy, who beyond everything else that he is, has the kindest heart and warmest hands in the whole wild world.

Yeah, welcome to my fantasy world.

But really, what beats this? Sure, there are plenty of phrases you can say to your special someone. There is "I adore you" that makes you smitten, and there is that overused "I love you" that makes you shaken; there is "Will you marry me" that shows the commitment and there is "I can't live without you" that hints the desperation. But none of these in my mind shows the ultimate trust as my question does. To ask a guy to be your emergency contact, is basically handing your whole life to him, if, God forbid, anything should happen to you. This is beyond telling him that you adore him, you love him, or you want to spend the whole life with him. This is about you breaking down all your walls, and giving up all the control you have in your life, just for one guy, a guy maybe not even that special.

Fantastic, isn't it?

Fantastic it is. But I still don't know if the gap between the fantasy and the reality is too big for me to handle. Hey, maybe it's getting bigger and bigger as we speak. I wouldn't be totally shocked if one day I would just feel all tired and decide to seek no further no more. I guess when that happens, I can either fill in that blank with whoever's name, or just leave it absolutely blank.

You know, I'm actually getting a little tired.

 
标题:Bubbly 字体 [ ]   颜色[绿 ]
分类:随笔小记 创建于:2008-03-18 被查看:1170次 评论(0)   文件夹:默认文件夹

Never thought I'd like a song titled as Bubbly.

About three weeks ago, I was at a ski resort, after a long week at work, a long day of driving and after throwing up all my lunch and more. Standing outside some restaurant in the chilly Feburary weather, I heard this song again. My mind was not in the most peaceful place at that moment, considering my stomach was still churning, and I was on the edge of losing my job because the company was in a transition phase heading to closing. Hearing this song echoing in the air, I felt certain calmness that I never felt before and quite needed at the time. The melody was simple, the voice was clean and pure, and the lyrics were touching yet far from being cheesy. Exactly at the moment, I took a deep breath and told myself that someday all the turbulance I was going through would pass, and someday down the road, I'd be back to my old self, listening to a song like this on a lazy Saturday. And everything is going to be OK.

So that was exactly what I was able to do last Saturday. For that, I'm thankful.

Suddenly I remember someone told me many years ago about one song, which goes like "I am a big big girl in a big world". No doubt, I am a big girl now. And some may even argue than I am more old than big, if you know what I mean. Being a big girl is great, but the thing is, I never said it was easy. It's never easy and is never going to be. And that thought, to be honest with you, makes me scared more than anything in the world.


 
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